counselorcorner

 

 

 

 

 

councelor tiltle

Sex!!!

Now that I have your attention, I'd like to share some interesting information that might help you in the bedroom (or on the kitchen table!). There is some very good research out there that I advise you to read if you want to know more about the physiology of arousal and desire. It's pretty interesting stuff. For the purpose of this article, I'm just going to share some of what I've learned that I think will improve your sex life.

Here is the big news. For the majority of women, following the initial hormonal surge of a new relationship, arousal precedes desire. What does this mean? It means that in order for most women to want to have sex, they have to feel physically turned-on prior to desiring sex. This is very different than for men. For men, who have about 20 times more testosterone (the sexual desire chemical) than women, desire and arousal occur almost simultaneously. They see or think about something sexual and they will likely desire sex. Arousal, given opportunity and barring complications, follows easily. Men think about and pursue sex to a far greater degree than women. Women are much less likely to be aroused by external stimuli. Desire and arousal for women is much more complicated.

Women, who we now know to be the multi-tasking gender, are easily distracted by the variety of "jobs" that may need their attention. These could include work, children, finances, health, any number of stressors that women tend to on a daily basis. Women often complain that they have little time or energy for sex.

A good sexual relationship is almost always helpful to both personal health and relationship health. For men, it is relatively easy to incorporate sex into their relationship life. For women it may need to be a conscious decision to include regular sex. It may also mean carving out the time and the focus to allow sex to become a priority.

This is not to suggest that the responsibility is all on the woman. Men need to understand that their partners have a different pattern of arousal and desire and look for ways to accommodate. Creating an erotic ambiance, taking the time for sensual foreplay, knowing your partner's preferences and desires help to create a climate for intimacy. Here's a no-brainer: HELP AROUND THE HOUSE. If men relieve some of the household stress, women are more likely find the energy to get passionate. Trust me, doing the dishes, preparing a meal, changing a diaper is a BIG TURN-ON!

Understanding the differences between men and women can take a lot of pressure off of a relationship. Women with lower desire than their partner don't need to think there is something wrong with them or with their relationship and men don't need to worry that their partners don't love or want them. As in most aspects of intimate relationship, there are differences. Communicating your needs, both in and out of the bedroom, can lead to a stronger connection and greater sexual satisfaction.

A good sexual relationship is almost always helpful to both personal health and relationship health. For men, it is relatively easy to incorporate sex into their relationship life. For women it may need to be a conscious decision to include regular sex. It may also mean carving out the time and the focus to allow sex to become a priority.

This is not to suggest that the responsibility is all on the woman. Men need to understand that their partners have a different pattern of arousal and desire and look for ways to accommodate. Creating an erotic ambiance, taking the time for sensual foreplay, knowing your partner's preferences and desires help to create a climate for intimacy. Here's a no-brainer: HELP AROUND THE HOUSE. If men relieve some of the household stress, women are more likely find the energy to get passionate. Trust me, doing the dishes, preparing a meal, changing a diaper is a BIG TURN-ON!

Understanding the differences between men and women can take a lot of pressure off of a relationship. Women with lower desire than their partner don't need to think there is something wrong with them or with their relationship and men don't need to worry that their partners don't love or want them. As in most aspects of intimate relationship, there are differences. Communicating your needs, both in and out of the bedroom, can lead to a stronger connection and greater sexual satisfaction.


sally

 

Check out the new video on How to Have a Fair fight.
Also see Emotional Maturity by clicking on the title. I hope you'll find it useful.

 

Sally LeBoy, M.S. MFT (14768)
>> Don't Justify It!
>> Guidlines for couples Communication
>> Being Alone
>> Appreciation
>> The Holidays (Again)
>> A Bitter Taste of My Own Medicine
>> Sex!!!
>> Do I Do too Much?
>> Managing Emotions
>> How to Have a Fight
>> Emotional Maturity