councelor tiltle


I have been struck lately by how much we crave appreciation and how far a little appreciation can go. Maybe it's because most of us work so hard. Often our efforts seem unheeded whether it's at work, with friends, or with family. It's easy to take for granted the efforts of others; we grow accustomed to people and what they do for us, and so fail to take notice. Or we assume that because there is reciprocity or remuneration, it's not necessary to verbalize the recognition that an effort is being made.

When I work with couples, I see how painful it is to feel unappreciated. Partners often feel undervalued for the efforts they make to keep the household, including the relationship afloat. Familiarity can breed a form of blindness that obscures these efforts. Likewise anger and resentment can overwhelm the relationship landscape with negativity. Thus helpful efforts towards progress become invisible.

I am continuously amazed at how even small acknowledgements can make such a huge difference to the perception of goodwill. A "thank you" or "I really appreciateā€¦" can change the entire perception of a relationship, moving it from hostile to secure. I have wondered why this is so and have concluded that it may come down to a deep, human need to feel that we are worthwhile. Appreciation affirms our value through the acknowledgement of our efforts. Because it takes an effort to notice, the very act of expressing appreciation affirms our worth to our partners (co-workers, friends, kids, etc).

Show appreciation every day and you'll reap the rewards that come from a loving and respectful connection. Appreciation counteracts blame and acts as a balance to the stress that is involved in being part of any relationship. It's a small effort that can reap huge rewards.



Check out the new video on How to Have a Fair fight.
Also see Emotional Maturity by clicking on the title. I hope you'll find it useful.


Sally LeBoy, M.S. MFT (14768)
>> Don't Justify It!
>> Guidlines for couples Communication
>> Being Alone
>> Appreciation
>> The Holidays (Again)
>> A Bitter Taste of My Own Medicine
>> Sex!!!
>> Do I Do too Much?
>> Managing Emotions
>> How to Have a Fight
>> Emotional Maturity